What a day yesterday was! I mean, seriously, whew...
I:
went to a taping of "The Talk"
ate lunch at a cafe in Studio City
visited the Getty
ate dinner at the Farmer's Market
walked around The Grove (as seen often on TMZ)
saw two improv shows (it was "Harold" night) at IO West
and ran into zero celebrities.
not too shabby.
Let me tell you about life as a live audience member. First you have to figure out where you are supposed to be. I ended up in the wrong parking garage. oops. Then, you have to get your colored card and go through security. I don't know what the cards mean, I just know I had blue and that definitely wasn't the best. After milling about for awhile, everyone signs the legal papers and takes their final potty breaks. During this time, I made friends with a lesbian couple who had been together for 20 years. They had lived in LA their entire lives but had visited both Chicago and Indiana. The milling continues as one of the producers walks around and asks if anyone "has just had a baby or is going to have a baby?" and "does anyone have relationship questions they want to ask our hosts?" and lots of other silly goading questions like that. The producer loved the lesbians I was standing by and kept trying to feed them questions to ask. Her favorite kept being some part of "how can we keep it fresh? keep it fresh. yeah, I like that...keep it fresh." (I'm telling you people being an audience member is riveting stuff. ha)
Anyway, finally it's time to line up. We line up by color. Yellow first. Then Green. "Oh...who do we have left? Oh, yeah, how about blue?" (Thanks lame producer dude.) I wasn't the very last. The was reserved for the pink cards. But still....seriously...
I'm going to take a second and mention that we were being herded around by a bunch of pages. It was like being corralled by a bunch of Kenneths. I could not take them seriously as they ran around in their little red jackets.
I ended up being seated in the back, behind the cameras. awesome. Actually, it wasn't too bad. I had a sweet vantage point of all the action, I just probably won't be on tape. You know you don't have the best seats when after everyone is the sat the row behind you is filled in with the pages. Fear not, they took of their jackets. So instead of a line of Kenneths, it was a line of bleached out, white shirted kids. nice...
I think I'm supposed to remark here on how small the studio was. Seriously, it was bigger than I expected. But maybe that's because I understand the "magic" of tv. It was cozy but not too bad. just 6 sections of seats. There were probably 5-6 rows in each section. There were 3 sections on the floor that looked like they were in a pit. (the yellow cards!) Two sections were kinda of like bleacher seats, though comfortable movie theatre style seats. The final section (mine) was directly center but higher and behind everything else.
After we all got sat, the stage guy came out and walked us through everything ("clap" "laugh" "smile" ...) My favorite line: "Remember, if you are clapping and not smiling, you look like a crazy person."
Then it was time for the "live" show. So this show, "The Talk" (CBS's version of "The View") doesn't premiere until Monday. All the shows will be live unless, of course, one of the hosts are sick. Then they will play my episode. I am in the first "evergreen" episode. ("Evergreen" meaning something that will always work and they can throw in at a moment's notice.) Therefore, I'm sorry to say I can't tell you when to not look for me.
The hosts walked out and everything started. The hosts are: Sharon Osbourne (looks exactly the same in real life), Sara Gilbert (SKINNY! my goodness!), Leah Remini (liked her better than I ever had before), Holly Robinson Peete (I don't think she's changed in 20 years but she looks even more like a deer in headlights. stunning and stunned) and Julie Chen (I don't know her, felt like she was the Barbara). Leah and Sara were definitely the most fun to watch. They just interacted like friends who were hanging out. I'm sure they were slightly self-conscience but didn't seem like it. Leah didn't restrict herself and worry about bad camera angles. She just laughed and threw herself back into the couch and blocked shots and did whatever a normal girl chatting would do. She also couldn't stop talking. It was great. I looked it.
Each of the segments went super fast. It was like there wasn't any actual time to talk about anything. I didn't like that superficial feel to the show. Perhaps because it an "evergreen." It was really fast and choppy though. They never even got to the questions that we were goaded for before the show.
The guests were Nicole Sullivan and Eden, a 5 year old pageant star. So maybe they weren't the best guests but it was fun to watch the hosts lay into her mother but try to be nice about it. Also Leah's face while the little girl was performing was priceless. I think even Holly looked a little jarred.
During the commercial breaks, they threw out t-shirts and stuff. I ended up winning a Starbucks gift card for know the product that the slogan "They're GRRRReat!" is from. (Thanks, Grandpa!)
All in all it was a pretty fun set up. I'd do it again. Though I'd rather be in front of the camera, then way behind.
Oh, one last tirade, during the show they were talking about vanity sizing and mentioned that "10"s and "12"s are plus sizes. Now, I'm not saying 10s and 12s are ideal but they are the average of the country. So while trying to have a segment about trying to love your body and not worrying what girls in magazines look like, it's ridiculous to then ridicule the majority of your audience. just saying. perhaps they don't know what real people look like. But seriously, I've seen the stagehands, pages, and all the others working on set. They look normal, not "Midwestern normal" (here's looking at you, 16), but probably average an 8-10. sheesh, hosts, look around...
Alright, well I'm off to a lot tour at WB. I hear they are currently taping Chuck. *squeal* I love Chuck. It is my not-so-secret desire for Zac Levi to realize I'm the love of his life. After all, he does love Jesus. And I love Jesus. That's a start. Maybe I'll lead with that...
I'll let you know how it goes.
;)
--the nomad
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